Page:Book of Etiquette, Volume 1, by Lilian Eichler.djvu/178

 ever be made upon grief. It shows lack of good taste and extreme inconsideration.

Only intimate friends of a bereaved family, or of one member of that family, call for any length of time. Others merely leave their cards with cordial inquiries regarding the health and spirits of the members of the family. They may forward a box of flowers, including their personal card in the box, instead of calling to leave a card in person. But when the formal call of condolence is made, ten days or two weeks after the funeral, the intimate friends of the family should be careful to avoid all subjects that would cause pain to the bereaved ones. They should not, unless gifted with rare tact, make any reference to the death but should rather speak of cheerful things. However, it may be necessary to give some word of sympathy either upon greeting or departure. A tactful way to greet a sorrowing person is to say simply, "I have called to assure you of my sympathy." The subject should then be dropped, and other matters discussed. On departure a word of cheer and sympathy, and a hearty warm hand-clasp go a long way towards helping matters.

Calls of condolence should be brief. It is poor form to remain longer than fifteen minutes, unless one is a particularly intimate friend and able to relieve the intensity of grief by his or her presence. If the person called upon feels the loss so poignantly that he or she cannot be composed, it is far better to leave a cordial note at the door asking to be excused from all callers, than to great them and cause embarrassment by a display of emotion. Persons in affliction often prefer to be alone, and the intrusion of anyone except their very dearest friends causes fresh grief.