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like no screened windows to keep the flies out in the daytime just big board windows, so that also on foggy days when it’s damp if you leave them open it’s too cold, if you leave them closed you cant see anything and have to light the lamp at noon—And but for that no other faults—It’s all marvelous—And at first it’s so amazing to be able to enjoy dreamy afternoon meadows of heather up the other end of the canyon and just by walking less than a halfmile you can suddenly also enjoy wild gloomy sea coast, or if you're sick of either of these just sit by the creek in a gladey spot and dream over snags—So easy in the woods to daydream and pray to the local spirits and say “Allow me to stay here, I only want peace” and those foggy peaks answer back mutely Yes—And to say to yourself (if you're like me with theological preoccupations) (at least at that time, before I went mad I still had such preoccupations) “God who is everything possesses the eye of awakening, like dreaming a long dream of an impossible task and you wake up in a flash, oops, No Task, it’s done and gone”—And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently tell myself (not expecting what I’ll do in three weeks only) “no more” dissipation, it’s time for me to quietly watch the world and even enjoy it, first in woods like these, then just calmly walk and talk among people of the world, no booze, no drugs, no binges, no bouts with beatniks and drunks and junkies and everybody, no more I ask myself the question O why is God torturing me, that’s it, be a loner, travel, talk to waiters only, in fact, in Milan, Paris, just talk to waiters, walk 18