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RV 155 (BIG SUR155) she has to give up that sweet patience of hers where she answers his every little pathetic question and yell “Shut up! Elliott will you shut up! DO I have to beat you again!” and I groan “No!” but Elliott yells louder “Dont do it Billie dont do it Billie dont do it Billie!” so she sweeps him off and starts whacking him screamingly on the porch and I am about to throw in the towel and gasp up my last, it’s horrible.

Besides when she beats Elliott she herself cries and then will be yelling madwoman things like “I’ll kill both of us if you dont stop, you leave me no alternative! O my child!” suddenly picking him up and embracing him rocking tears, and gnashing of hair and all under those old peaceful bluejay trees where in fact the jays are still waiting for their food and watching all this—Even so Alf the Sacred Burro is in the yard waiting for somebody to give him an apple—I look up at the sun going down golden throughout the insane shivering canyon, that blasted rogue wind comes topping down trees a mile away with an advancing roar that when it hits the broken cries of mother and son in grief are blown away with all those crazy scattering leaves—The creek screeches—A door bangs horribly, a shutter follows suit, the house shakes—I’m beating my knees in the din and cant even hear that.

“What’s I got to do with you committing suicide anyway?” I’m yelling—“Alright, it has nothing to do with you”—“So okay you have no husband but at least you’ve got little Elliott, hell grow up and be okay, you can always meanwhile go on with your job, get married, move away, do something, maybe it’s Cody but more than that I’d say it’s all those mad characters making you insane and wanta kill yourself like that—Perry—"—“Dont talk about Perry, he's wonderful and sweet and I love him and he’s much kinder to me than you’ll ever be: at least he gives of himself”—“But what’s all this giving of ourselves, what’s there to give that’ll help anybody”—“You’ll never know you’re so wrapped up in yourself”—We’re