Page:Awful Disclosures of Maria Monk (Truslove & Bray).djvu/27

25 of the step I had taken, as the report proved true which I thought justified, and indeed required, our separation. After I had been in St. Denis about three months, finding myself thus situated, and not knowing what else to do, I determined to return to the Convent, and pursue my former intention of becoming a Black Nun, could I gain admittance. Knowing the inquiries the Superior would make relative to me during my absence, before leaving St. Denis I agreed with the lady with whom I had been associated (when she went to Montreal, which she did very frequently) to say to the Lady Superior I had been under her protection during my absence, which would stop further inquiry; as I was sensible, should they know I had been married I should not be admitted.

I soon returned to Montreal, and, on reaching the city, I visited the Seminary, and in another interview with the Superior communicated my wish, and desired her to procure my re-admission as a novice.

After leaving for a short time, she returned and told me that the Superior of the Convent had consented, and I was introduced to her. She blamed me for leaving the Nunnery, but told me that I ought to be ever grateful to my guardian angel for taking care of me, and bringing me in safety back. I requested that I might be secured against the reproaches and ridicule of all the novices and nuns, which I thought some might cast upon me, unless prohibited by the Superior; and this she promised me. The money usually required for the admission of novices had not been expected from me. I had been admitted the first time without any such requisition; but now I chose to pay for my re-admission. I knew that she was able to dispense with such a demand, and she knew that I was not in possession of anything like the sum required.

But I was bent on paying to the Nunnery, and accustomed to receive the doctrine often repeated to me before that time, that when the advantage of