Page:Autobiography of an Androgyne 1918 book scan.djvu/73

Rh which ought to bring deep blushes to every cheek.

After the age of twelve, I no longer masqueraded in feminine apparel or openly flirted with boys because restrained by the sense of shame. Because all the lexicographers wrongly insist on the feigned character of flirtations, I am moved to explain here once for all that my flirtations, in every period of my life, were sincere, and prompted by adoration for those flirted with. The same explanation applies to my use of "coquet."

But while no longer openly and energetically flirting with boys, I still adored them, enjoyed their occasional petting attentions, and even sometimes put myself in the way of receiving such consideration. For a brief period during my fourteenth year, I used powder to make my cheeks more rosy with a view to impressing my schoolmates, with several of whom I was in love.

About the time of my learning the secret of reproduction, circumstances brought me one night to sleep with a boy friend, and my instincts prevailed while he slept. On this occasion the terrible paroxysm accompanying fellatio two years earlier, as already described, and putting an end to it almost before it had begun, was not experienced, and the act continued for some minutes. I did not yet know of the existence of semen, but believed the simple presence membrum virile in membro femineo induced pregnancy. Even if I had had an emission myself two years before, I knew absolutely nothing about its nature. For several months after this night's experience I was somewhat worried for fear of pregnancy, thinking it might result from buccal coitus.