Page:Autobiography of an Androgyne 1918 book scan.djvu/268

236 too repulsive. This aversion had now in large part passed away, although I had not the slightest inclination. I looked upon it merely as a scientific experiment. Though castration has always been without effect on orgasm when in juxtaposition cum viris, it was now impossible, notwithstanding my companion's manustupration and my own concentration of thoughts on fellatio with my idols. Penetration was of course impossible.

In 1907 I removed to a city of several hundred thousand inhabitants. As I frequently felt a sense of utter lonelimess and melancholia during my two years of practical sexual isolation—for I never indulged in even flirtation with adolescents of my every-day circle —I decided to seek a mate at a military post a few miles from the city. I still longed for a mate to the same degree as the average normal individual.

I had several hundred to choose from, and selected the most attractive, a six-foot, curly-haired, large-boned, blonde athlete of twenty years. I easily scraped acquaintance, and thereafter visited him at the fort three evenings a month, but fellatio occurred at hardly more than one-half of our meetings, chiefly because I did not wish to be intellectually dull the next day or two. The most beautiful sight that I ever saw was this adolescent when accoutered to stand guard. I found that he was by far the most tattooed person that I had ever associated with—for me a great attraction. I also found that he possessed the most charming personality, always treating me most affably notwithstanding that I represented myself—as a