Page:Autobiography of an Androgyne 1918 book scan.djvu/111

Rh made my confidant, he expressed his judgment of my conduct as follows: 'I believe God will overlook in you what He would not in others."

The judgment of the alienist, to whom also I confided the occurrences, was approximately as follows: "It was a physical impossibility for you to have withstood longer. The only thing for you to do is to follow out your instincts in moderation. If you do not, you will continue to be a nervous wreck, and may even become insane. The majority of men can live celibate lives without suffering in mind or body, but you are extraordinarily amorous, and celibacy with you is out of the question. Only don't go into the slums any more. Confide in some stalwart young man of your own class. You run great risk of being killed, or at least contracting disease, in running around after strangers in the slums."

On now making my decision henceforth to follow Nature's behests, I gave up the city mission work I was engaged in, and also finally gave up my purpose of entering the Christian ministry. The presentation of religious truths spoken of above, on the Sunday following my third nocturnal ramble, was unavoidable, unless I wished to disappoint others by failing to keep an engagement. I gave up religious work, not because of lack of religious faith, but because I felt myself unworthy and unfit by reason of my recent change in habits, and because I might bring reproach on the Church.

I could not bring myself to follow the physician's advice to confide in a stalwart young man of my own class. I felt too much ashamed of my abnormality. So I formed