Page:Autobiography of an Androgyne 1918 book scan.djvu/110

80 against their bodies. To lie in the bosom of these sturdy young manual laborers, all of whom were goodlooking and approximately my own age, was the highest earthly happiness I had yet tasted. With all my money gone, and cap and coat stolen besides, I finally had to walk home, a distance of several miles. Obtaining my keys in their hiding place, I succeeded in reaching my room without attracting attention.

The next day I wrote in my journal: ' What a strange thing is life! Mephistopheles last night carried me through one of the experiences through which he carried Faust. ... My carnal nature was aroused as never before. I groaned in despair. Never before in all my experience have I seen such a conflict between the flesh and the spirit. . . . How like an animal is man! Thus God has seen fit to make him."

A few days later I again wrote: '"' My present psychical state is most strange. J cannot yet repent of my conduct last Friday night, yet on the Sunday following I had one of the happiest experiences of nearness to God that I ever had. That afternoon I presented the Gospel in love for my Savior and for perishing souls. I have in my heart an intense desire to save from their lives of sin those in whose company I was Friday night, especially my Bull, so young, and yet so deep in sin. I want to rescue him, and make of him a strong educated champion for Christ. My heart yearns to carry blessings and peace to all those who are suffering in the slums of New York."

In a letter received shortly afterward from a venerable doctor of divinity and former pastor, whom for years I