Page:Autobiography of Rear Admiral Charles Wilkes.djvu/54

28 had shocked him. He had had my letters and seen what I was undergoing, but he thanked God I was back and although outwardly considerably changed, yet he hoped my mind and principles had remained uncontaminated and pure, as I had left him. I had grown considerably and lost all the freshness of an English boy, my rosy cheeks and stout, robust form. I told him I had suffered very much from the brutal conduct and untoward situation I had been placed in, how I had to endure all the low slang and blasfemous [sic] speech of everyone, but I assured him I was as correct in principle and feeling as when I left him. It had shown the world to me in a new form and I believed, although it had been a dearly bought experience, it would be of infinite service to me. I had a great deal to tell him which I could not write and felt that dear confidence that he imparted to me and communion of sentiment that only can exist in the love and attachment between a father and his Boy.

The next day I was sent to the tailor's to get equiped [sic], my french suit not suiting my father's taste, and I was soon enjoying myself among my relations and acquaintances. My mind had not settled down, but my father soon became aware that whatever hardships I had experienced, my predilection for a sea life had undergone no change. Yet I did feel great disgust when I looked back on the troubles I had gone through and the low company I was thrown with. One thing gave me a good deal of trouble. I have spoken of the conduct of Capt Graham to me and expressed to my father the detestation I held him in and narrated many acts of his, but my father desired to make him a nice present, or rather that I should, but I would not be brought to it. Finally it was resolved I should give his wife a token through the intercession of my sister and a handsome Pearl broach was purchased and presented to her. This I always have disliked to think of, but it was to please my father & sister that I consented to bestow it on her as a token of respect for the kind treatment of her brutal husband. What induced my father to be so desirous of giving this token I could never well understand, this was soon lost sight of after the token had been accepted; but it has always, I may say, haunted my mind, doing an act which I deemed was not merited & undeserved. I believe it was a wish of my father to prevent any misunderstanding or feeling on the part of Messrs Craigs & Capt Graham and to silence any doubts or reports that had got into circulation respecting his treatment of me—it certainly had that effect as I afterwards understood and the whole dropped into oblivion. I was well satisfied that the reasons for so acting by my father were from some object and what he believed to be right. Had I been a few years older I would never have consented to have made up any threatening misunderstanding in this way. At the same time, I have a high feeling of the action of offering the olive branch as though he were the injured party. I have always been of opinion it was done from a high and praiseworthy motive notwithstanding my disapproval of it which amused my father greatly.

He soon discovered that my predilec[tion] for a Naval life had not