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TRIALS OF A MESSMAN. Laying the table is an art in itself. The tastes of all members have to be catered for, and that means that it is necessary to have two or three different kinds of jam, marmalade, honey and golden syrup, dripping and butter. I have seen men spreading chutney on their bread, and putting honey in their porridge, and from the way it has disappeared, I have reason to believe that they take worcestershire sauce with their fruit.

At nine o’clock I serve the porridge, distributing it about equally between the inside and outside of the bowls, and at five or ten minutes past, the company condescend to turn out of bed, and the first thing they do is to find fault with the laying of the table.

On one never-to-be-forgotten occasion I forgot the pepper. Now the menu for the morning was porridge, fruit and preserves; what use anyone could find for pepper in that breakfast, I do not know, but within ten seconds of their arrival at the table, every other man had asked for it, and told his neighbour what he thought of me for not putting it on the table. If it happens to be a fruit day, i. e. a day when for second course fruit takes the place of meat, the next order given is, “Bowls up and lick spoons,” there being only about fifteen of each article on the Continent, and