Page:Anna Karenina.djvu/987

 "But how?" she asked herself, sinking into a chair before her mirror.

The most heterogeneous thoughts crowded upon her. Where should she go? To her aunt, who had brought her up? To Dolly? or simply go abroad alone by herself? What was he doing alone in his study? Would the rupture be final, or was there a possibility of reconciliation? How would Alekseï Aleksandrovitch look upon it? and what would her former acquaintances in Petersburg say? Many other ideas of what would happen came into her mind, but she could not take any satisfactory account of them. A vague idea came into her mind, and awakened some interest, but she could not express it. Thinking once more of Alekseï Aleksandrovitch, she recalled a phrase which she had used after her illness, and the feeling that clung to her,—"Why did n't I die?" and immediately the words awoke the feeling which they had at that time expressed. Yes, that was the idea which alone settled everything.

"Death, yes, that is the only way of escape. My terrible shame, and the dishonor which I have brought on Alekseï Aleksandrovitch and Serozha, all will be wiped away by my death. If I die, he will repent for me then; he will be sorry, he will love me, he will suffer for me."

A smile of pity for herself came over her face as she kept mechanically taking off and putting on the rings of her left hand, and with vivid imagination she pictured how he would feel after she was dead.

Approaching steps—his steps—caught her ears. She affected to be busily engaged in taking off her rings, and did not turn her head.

He came to her, and, taking her hand, said tenderly: "Anna, we will go day after to-morrow if you wish. I am ready for anything. .... Well?" said he, waiting.

She did not speak.

"What do you say?" he asked.

"You yourself know," said she; and then, unable to control herself longer, she burst into tears. "Leave me, leave me," she murmured through her sobs. "I