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The papa of a young man, who devotes more attention to gaming, horse-racing, &c., than to business, was met by a friend, who asked him what his son Jack was doing now. 'Doing, sir?' said the papa—'doing his father, as usual.'

A simple servant boy one evening went up to the drawing-room, on the bell being rung. Then he returned to the kitchen, he laughed immoderately. Some of the servants asking the cause of his mirth, he cried, 'What do you think? there were sixteen of them who could not snuff the candles, and were obliged to send for me to do it.'

A farmer in tho neighbourhood of Doncaster was lately met by his landlord, who accosted him thus:- 'John, I intend to raise your rent;' to which John replied, 'Sir, I'm very much obliged to you, for I cannot raise it myself.'

A gentleman was one day composing music for a lady to whom he paid his addresses. 'Pray, Miss D.,'said he, what time do you prefer?' 'Oh!' she replied, carelessly, 'any time will do, but the quicker the better.' The company smiled at the rejoinder, and the gentleman took her at her word.

'Here, fellow, hold this horse.' 'Does ho kick?' 'Kick! —no! Take hold of him.' 'Does he bite?' 'Bite!—no! Take hold of the bridle, I say.' 'Does it take two to hold him?' 'No!' 'Then hold him your self.'

An Irishman having legs of different sizes, ordered his boots to be made accordingly. His directions were obeyed; but as he put the smallest boot on his largest leg, he exclaimed petulantly, 'Confound the fellow! I ordered him to make the one larger than the other, and instead of that, he has made one smaller than the other.'