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 THE

'My dear Murphy,' said an Irishman to his friend, 'why did you betray the secret that I told you?' Is it betraying you call it ? Sure, when I found I wasn't able to keep it myself, didn't I do well to tell it to somebody that could?'

'Jock,' said a farmer's wife to the herd callant-'Jock, come in to your parritch—the flies are drowning themselves in the milk. Nae fears,' replied Jock, moving very deliberately towards the scene of action-'Nae fears: they'll wade through't.' 'Od, you little rascal, do you say you dinna get eneugh o'milk?' 'Ou ay, pleuty for the parritch.'

Two young ladies were accosted by a gipsy woman, who told them that, for a shilling each, she would show them their husband's faces in a pail of water; whiich being brought they exclaimed, Why, we only see our own faces! Well,' said the old woman, those will be your husband's faces when you are married.'

A lady at sea, full of apprehension in a gale of wind, cried out among petty exclamations, 'We shall go to the bottom-mercy on us, how my head swims.' 'Zounds, madam, never fear,' said one of the sailors, you can never go to the bottom while your head swims!'