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A witness having sworn that a prosecutor was staggering drunk, the counsel, being anxious to ascertain exactly what he meant by the term, desired the witness to put himself in the same position!

A person of Chelmsford, more ingenious than scrupulous, paid an account by a bill at 2 months; but, on presenting it at the end of that period, the holder found it was drawn payable 2 months after death, instead of after date.

Open your window at one end of the room, and your door at the other, on a stormy day, and your knowledge will be complete.

The daughter of a respectable gentleman, aged twenty, and possessed of no small share of personal attraction, said the other day, 'She wondered why she had not got married. This puts one in mind of the three wonders of beautiful women. First, at fifteen they wonder who they shall take; second, at twenty-five they wonder why they are not taken; and third, at thirty-five they wonder who they can find that will take them,

A gentleman was constantly in the habit of calling his servants, before their faces, 'necessary evils.' He quarrelled with one of them, who left him in a rage, said he was sick of service, and vowed that he would never enter it again. A few days after, his old master meeting him in livery, said, 'Poh! you are gone into service again after all!' 'Ah, sir, I have found that masters are 'necessary evils.''

John, an old dragoon soldier of George the Third's time, was descanting lately to his wife Janet, and a few neighbours, on the virtues and familiarity of his sovereign, who had reviewed the regiment to which he belonged. Jane listened long with admiring patience, but at length put this question, 'Was King George as great a king as Ahasuerus, John?' 'Ahasuerus!' exclaimed John, with great contempt, 'Ahasuerus! he wouldn't have made a quarter-master to him.'