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A lady who made pretensions to the most refined feelings, went to her butcher to remonstrate with him on his cruel practices. 'How,' said she, 'can you be so barbarous as to put innocent little lambs to death?'— 'Why not, madam,' said the butcher, 'you would not eat them alive, would you?'

A poor man being laughed at for wearing a short cloak, said, It will be long enough before I have done with it.'

A coloured man lately went to the post-office, and putting his nose close up to the delivery box, cried out, 'Louder!' The clerk supposing the negro to be deaf, and that he was making a request of him to speak louder, so that he could hear, asked him in a very loud tone the name of the person for whom he wanted the letter. 'Louder!' cried the negro. 'What name?' yelled the clerk. 'Louder!' again bawled the negro, who now supposed the clerk to be deaf. The clerk took a long breath, and with all his might again bellowed out in the negro's face the same question- What name? ' This was done in so loud a tone, that the echo seemed to return from the far-off hills. The negro started back in alarm, shouting to the very top of his big lungs— 'Louder, sir, ! I told you Louder! my name is nothing else!' 'Oh, ah! oh, oh !' said the clerk, your name is Louder, eh? Didn't think of that; here's your letter.'

An able and learned judge was once obliged to deliver the following charge to a jury:— Gentlemen of the jury, in this case the counsel on both sides are unintelligible; the witnesses are incredible; and both the plaintiff and defendant are such bad characters, that to me it is indifferent which way you give your verdict.

A French field-marshal, who had attained that rank by court favour, not by valour, received from a lady the present of a drum, with this inscription, Made to be beaten.