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A soldier about to be sent on the late Spanish expedition, said to the officer directing the drafts, 'Sir, I cannot go, because I—I stut-utter.' 'Stutter!' says the officer, 'you don't go to talk, but to fight.' 'Ay, but they'll p-put me on g-guard, and a man may go ha-ha-half a mile before I can say, who-who-who goes there?' 'Oh, that is no objection, for there will be another sentry placed along with you, and he can challenge if you can fire.' 'Well, b-b-but I may be taken and run through the g-g-guts, before I can cry qu-qu-quarter.'

Chateanneuf, keeper of the seals of Louis XIII, when a boy of only nine years old, was asked many questions by a bishop, and gave very prompt answers to them all. At length the prelate said, 'I will give you an orange if you will tell me where God is?'—'My lord,' replied the boy, 'I will give you two oranges if you tell me where he is not.'

Bayle was asked if a woman could keep a secret. 'There is one secret,' said he, "and that is the only one they can keep—their age.'

Last week, a young girl, fresh from the West Highlands, came on a visit to a sister she had residing in Glasgow. At the outskirts of the town she stopped at a toll-bar, and began to rap smartly with her knuckles on the gate. The keeper, amused at the girl's action, and curious to know what she wanted, came out, when she very demurely interrogated him as follows:—'Is this Clasco?'—'Yes.'—'Is Poggy in?'

A dashing foreman to a tailor in Glasgow, dining in a mixed company, wished to impress those present with the immense importance of his services to his employers. 'Though I say it, that should not say it,' quoth snip, 'if it was not for me, our people could not carry on their business.' 'I can very well believe you,' said one of the party, 'I never yet heard of a tailor who could carry on his business without his goose.'