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Milton being asked whether he would instruct his daughters in the different languages, replied, 'No, one tongue is sufficient for a woman.'

The evening before a battle, an officer asked Marshal Toiras for permission to go and see his father, who was at the point of death. 'Go,' said the Marshal, who saw through his pretext; 'honour thy father and mother, that thy days may be long in the land.'

A person being asked which luminary he preferred, the sun or the moon, replied—'The moon, because it affords light at night, when it is needed; whereas the sun only gives light at day, when we don't want it.'

A benedict, upon being asked whether he was seriously injured when a steam-boat boiler exploded, replied, 'that he was so used to be blown up by his wife, that mere steam had no effect on him.'

'Mamma, are all vessels called she?' 'Yes, my dear.' 'Then how are all tho national ships called men-of-war?' 'Jane, put that child to bed.'

'What's the price of this article?' inquired a deaf old lady. 'Seven shillings,' said the draper. 'Seventeen shillings!' she exclaimed, 'I'll give you thirteen.' 'Seven shillings,' replied the honest tradesman, 'is the price of the article.' 'Oh! seven shillings,' the lady sharply re- joined: 'I'll give you FIVE!'

'If I'm not home from the party to-night at ten o'clock,' said a husband to his better and bigger half, 'don't wait for me.' That I won't,' said the lady, significantly, 'I won't wait, but I'll come for you.' He returned at ten precisely.