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'How is it,' said a gentleman to the late Richard Brinsley Sheridan, 'that your name has not an O attached to it; your family is Irish, and no doubt illustrious ?' 'No family has a better right to an O than our family,' replied Sheridan, 'for we 0 (owe) everybody.'

George Colman being once asked if he knew Theodore Hook- 'Oh yes,' was his reply, 'Hook and I (eye) are old associates.'

Schoolmaster:- Robert, compare the adjective cold.' Robert:- 'Positive, cold: comparative, cough: superlative, coffin!'

Never did Paddy utter a better bull than did an honest John, who, being asked by a friend, 'Hag your sister got a son or a daughter?' answered, 'Positively, I do not yet know whether I am an uncle or an aunt.'

A lady approaching the vale of years, but still retaining personal attractions, exclaimed in triumph to her maid, 'What would you give, child, to have my beauty?' 'Almost as much as you would to possess my youth, madam,' replied the girl.

In one of the engagements during the war in Egypt, a poor Frenchman, falling into the power of a Highland sergeant, screamed out the only English word he was master of, 'Quarter! quarter!'. 'She'll no hae time to quarter ye the noo,' replied Donald, 'she'll just cut ye in twa!

A little girl being asked if she had an ear for music, replied, 'Yes, I believe I have; for I heard the sound of a fiddle when a man was playing on it at least two hundred yards off.'