Page:Ancient and modern history of Buckhaven in Fife-shire.pdf/9

 casting up o' his kail, collops and cauld fish, that nothing staid on his stomach; and a stout stomach had he, for crab-heads, or scate-brose, or fat brose on a bridal-morning; yet it fail'd him he fell sick, and none could cure him, or tell what ail'd him, till a mountebank stage-doctor came to Kirkcaldy, that could judge by people's water the troubles of their person; and Willy hearing of his fame, pissed into a bottle, and sent it away with his daughter. The bottle being uncorked, his daughter spilt it by the way, and to conceal her sloth in so doing, pissed in it herself, and on she goes; and when she came to the stage, she cried out, Sir Dochter, Sir Dochter, here is a bottle o' my father's wash, he has sair guts, never needs to d—te ony, he spues a' he eats; 'tis true I tell you my dow. The doctor looks at it, and says, It is not your father's surely it is your mother's. The deil's i' the man, co' she, divna I ken my father by my mither? Then, said he, he is with child. The deil's is the man, coʻshe, for my mither bare a de bairns before; dats no true sir, fegs ye're a great lier. Home she came, and tell'd Willy, her father, that the doctor said he was wi bairn. O waes me, co' Willy, for I hae muckle wame, and I fear it'soʻer true. O plague on you, Janet, for ye're the father oʻt, and I'm sure to die in the bearing o't. Witty Eppie was sent for, as she was the houdy, and fand a Willy's wame, to be sure about it. Indeed, cor Eppie, ya're the first man e'er I saw wi' bairn before; and how you'll bear it I dinna ken, ye hae a wally wame weel I wat, but how men bear bairns I I kena; I wou'd drink sa't water, and drown't in my guts, for an men get ancs the gate o' bearing weans themsells, they'll seek nae mae wives,