Page:All the Year Round - Series 2 - Volume 1.djvu/608

 bright) wished to ask one question. He believed as Spain led through France. He read, at school that the French kep' their accounts in franks and sows. Now, for travellers, like Mr. Lufkin, to carry sows"

Tom was stopped by a sing'ler hincident. Stephen Dumbush, which had hitherto done his duty so admirably, in the chair, that you needn't have know'd he was present, and hadn't uttered a voluntary word since he was married nigh twenty years ago suddenly gets up! A conwulsion o' nature wouldn't have surprised us more. He lays down his pipe, as though he shouldn't want it again for half an hour—he looks slowly round—his eyes goggle—he opens his mouth. Then he shuts it again—and sits down. Whether his courage failed him—whether he thought he'd made a speech, and hadn't—or whether he was only countin' noses, with a view to the bill—were never know'd, to this day!

After recovering a little from the disappintment Stephen had giv' us, everybody drunk my health and Mrs. Hel's, and I returned thanks, merely observing that I would follow the hexlent example set me, and hadd nothing—or less. True, I were about to wisit Sarah Gosser, and my friend Rummyres Frummagio had already kissed my wife's 'and—by post, which was Spanish for 'how-d'ye-do? Wery glad to see you.' If the presence of a blunt Englishman could go any ways to 'eal any little soreness that might still exist on the score of the Harmada, I should be wery glad, and if I found their stock hinferior to ours, gladder still. Mr. Stonedyke need not hexpect hauything from my pen. Sheep, not hink, filled my pens! My letter concernin' the sperrets was a privileged communication. It was addressed to a humble country-print, and, lo and be'old! it comes out in a wery different paper, conducted by a gentleman which could have know'd nothing of me—unless it might have been at the Tugmorden Hagricultural, as second-silver in boar-pigs, and 'igh commendation in turnips. My neighbour Bullwinkle might be heasy. Stiffikits of character should be required, with hevery bull I purchased. Sweetness and forbearingness of disposition, hindispensable. As regards the question of Mr. Thicknesse, I had ascertained that, although sows were freely used in small commercial transactions, it was not necessary to hexport your whole stock, there being a coin of similar name, which might be used, instead. In conclusion, I thanked them all 'eartily, and moved a vote of thanks to Mr. Dumbush, for his hable silence in the chair.

Folks going to France a'most hevery day—I needn't say more than that we found heverybody wery polite, and partial to franks—and it were only when we got to a place, hoddly called "Buy on," and hentered Spain, that our troubles began. We had just cut in for one of those half-yearly rebellions I have mentioned. This, however, was more seriouser than common. The queen had bolted for good and all, without 'aving 'ad tune to put on her crown. That was why they'd turned her topsy-turvy on my letter. Great hexcitement was wisible, 'specially when we stopped to dine, and was only given three minutes and a half. Heverybody was talkin' of "freedom" and "liberty"—and wery free they was—and great liberties took with Mrs. Hel's baggage—searching heverything, even to shaking out her chemises. I see them busy over a bundle of her curlpapers (which was old farm-accounts of mine) and there was a power of talking and comparing, before they was hultimately put back. A gentleman as spoke English told me they was suspected of being "Carlist dockyments."

Heverything, as we approached Sairey Gosser, seemed to get dearer and dearer, which, the same gent assured us, was another glorious sign o' freedom.

At Sairey Gosser, Tom Tirritup met us at the station, stopped a gineral fight for our luggage, and, elbowing right and left, got us safely away to a wery fine hotel—the "Horiental." Our coachman, bein' free, wanted ten franks, to which request Tom merely replied, "Caramba!" and gave him two. We had a hexlent supper, and Tom said he had selected that hotel for us, because the waiters, though Spanish, spoke Italian, which was a great conwenience and satisfaction!

My wife, being tired, went to bed, when Tom perjuiced some wery choice tobacco, smuggled (through a hamicable arrangement with a gentleman at the Custom-house) by Ramirez Vermijo, and opened his budget. There was to be a wery great cattle show on the morrow, patronised by the provisional government, in horder to amuse the people while they was making choice among the fifteen gentlemen who had kindly offered to be king. With regard to the black Handalusian bull I had chiefly come to see, Tom reported that he was in the best of health, and—not having been fed for two days—would be hactive and hirritable on the morrow, and so be seen to the greater adwantage.

This sounded hodd; but, not to show ignorance, I honly nodded, and made a secret resolution not to go near that noble hanimal till he had dined.

Tom ended a long discourse on the hinteresting character of Spanish bulls, with the remark that, if he could honly command the sum of one thousand pounds, he distinctly saw his way to making it twenty. At this point of the conversation, however, I got wery sleepy, and we presently separated for the night.

Sairey Gosser is the bawlingest town I hever know'd. Shouting and singing went on till half-past three. Then there was quiet for half an hour; after which began a jingling of bells up and down the streets, stopping at different houses. This, they told us afterwards, meant hasses' milk, which, at four in the morning, must have been a wery pleasant and inwigorating tipple.

Heverything was alive the next morning, for the cattle show was to hopen at twelve o'clock, and all Sairey Gosser, women-folks and all, was going. Tom Tirritup came to breakfast, and brought a request from Ramirez Vermijo that I would place him (Ramirez V.)