Page:All the Year Round - Series 1 - Volume 9.djvu/336

 328 [May 80, 1863.] ALL THE YEAR ROUND. [Conducted by should pretend not to know from what he saw, that it was a Court-day at St. James's; and I must own that, for my part, I inclined to the opinion of that very low-minded individual.

There are no members of the tribe more surrounded by satellites than these Rough and simple Humbugs: nor is the "Humbug who sustains Humbug in others," ever seen in greater force than when attending on one of these Simple or Rough Gentlemen, drawing him out, playing into his hands, narrating his sayings and doings, and asking if you ever heard of anything so natural and delightful? It must be owned that these unfortunate jackals to the Lion Humbugs often get rather severely handled by their chiefs. There is no one on whom the Rough Humbug is more ready to display the quality he affects, than on the poor sycophant who is for ever at his heels. It is one of the Rough Humbug's proudest boasts, of course, that he always speaks his mind; and as it is necessary to give evidence of the fact, and as the satellite is quite safe to practise on, and is even most inclined to admire when most bullied, home-truths descend upon his devoted head in an avalanche. But it serves him right, and there is no occasion to pity him—or perhaps her, as the case may be.

And so, though we have got rid of many affectations of former times, and of many forms of cant and imposture, yet these villanies have left their successors still flourishing among us. The Mysterious and the Rough forms of Humbug are just now rather flourishing, and promise to continue so; and they are additionally objectionable, because they are put on in assumption of a quality which is as heavenly as it is rare, namely, : an adornment which, like genius, cannot be acquired, and which, when real, is rarely lost, no, not among the worldliest scenes and falsest company.

It is earnestly to be hoped that no one will go away with the impression that this Chronicle is written in an ill-natured spirit. Humbug is a disease; it must be written about, as diphtheria or neuralgia is written about. It is a disease which, in its milder forms, is not always inconsistent with mental health, and its attacks are not beyond the reach of remedy. The danger depends upon the degree of development. We all know people who are estimable and popular, but who are Mono-humbugs—Humbugs on some particular point, and only to a small extent. There are Harmless Humbugs and Dangerous Humbugs, just as is the case with lunatics. There are even Entertaining Humbugs. The Rough, the Simple, the Mysterious, and the Amiable, forms of Humbug are harmless enough; the three first are often amusing; as to the last, it is the most pardonable form of Humbug known to psychologists. This form of the disease generally attacks persons who have an inordinate love of approbation: which is in itself a defect to be regarded with considerable leniency. Indeed, it may be said that there are commonly, and the cases of utter criminals excepted, but two great sources of Humbug in our nature—Vanity, which leads men to assume the Rough, Simple, Mysterious, and other disagreeable forms of the disorder, and—Love of approbation: which seduces them into the more amiable developments of it, such as the Humbugs of Cordiality, Politeness, and perhaps Sensibility.

, catch your coryza. Coryza being the subject of the present article, you are respectfully requested to catch your coryza. The capture is not difficult. There are various ways of effecting it. Only take care to get a gentle and mild one, and not to catch a tartar coryza; for coryzas differ greatly in malignity, violence, and obstinacy.

The habitats of coryzas are various; they comprise such widely distant localities, that coryzas may be said to be cosmopolite. From China to Peru, from Greenland to Cape Horn, they are to be met with. Nor is much seeking necessary; you have only to throw yourself in their way. And not only are they spread over a wide area of the earth's surface; they lurk deep under ground, as Siberian and other miners will tell you, and mount to the greatest attainable altitudes, as Messrs. Coxwell and Glaisher will testify. As high as the balloon can soar, so high soars the coryza.

Not that it shuns the haunts of men. Jackdaw-like, it often loiters about cathedral churches and other public buildings. It has even been taken in the neighbourhood of ball-rooms. It manifests a great attachment for certain classes of private dwellings, especially for those in which opposite doors and windows are frequently left open. There are also coryzas with aquatic habits. Many a water-party, out for the day, has brought back quite a cargo with them—not less than one coryza for each lady and gentleman, which is as liberal an allowance as any one can require. So aquatic, indeed, are their affinities, that they have no need of actual water for their development, but can attain their full growth on mist and steam; and, like the Will-o'-the-Wisp, can find ample nourishment in marshy exhalations. Nay, several remarkable specimens have been seen which have thriven on no more substantial fare than a liberal allowance of London fog. There are undoubted instances of coryzas having been fished up by a single plunge into a pond or river, by a few minutes' stay in the spray of a waterfall, or in the showers which diversify the sunshine of April.

As to seasons, all are more or less favourable. Exactly as a skilful gardener will force his flowers and fruits in spite of the weather, so a determined coryza-catcher will have something to boast of at any and every time of the year. He most easily shows you what he can do, when the most violent contrasts of temperature are attainable: In May for instance and the beginning of June, with a hot sun and a cold wind, when you are baked in one street, and pelted with frozen dust round the corner; or in nice