Page:Aelfric's Lives of Saints Vol 2.djvu/45

 merly received  me  into  her  favour;  and  I  prayed,  weeping  before her, that  she  would  drive  away  from  me  the  foul  thoughts  that vexed my  miserable    soul. Then indeed  I  wept,  sorrowing   excessively;   and,  severely  beating  my  breast,  I  then  beheld  light shining all  around  me;  and  soon  after  a  steadfast  peace  came  to me. Pity me  now,  abbot;  how  can  I  tell  thee  my  thoughts,  since I dread  to  compel  myself  again  to  evil  living,  lest  extreme  fire should burn  within  my  wretched  body. And when  I  perceived such   thoughts   arise    within    me,    vexing   me    utterly    unto   the thought of  uncleanness,  then  I  prostrated  myself  upon  the  earth, and suffused  my  cheeks  with  tears,  because  that  I  had  certainly trusted that  I  would  resist  (?)  them;  so  that  I  [would  not  rise again] from the  earth,  before  the  sweet  voice  in  its  usual  manner lighted upon  me,  and  drove  away  from  me  my  troubled  thoughts. Verily I  continually  raised  the  eyes  of  my  heart  to  my  security in trouble,  praying  her  to  support  me  in  this  wilderness  unto  a right  repentance — her  who  bare  the  lord  of  all  purity. And thus, during the  course  of  seventeen  years,  I  was  striving  in  every  way against manifold  perils,  as  I  before  said,  unto  this  present  day,  and the holy  mother  of  God  aided  me  and  directed  my  ways.'     Zosimus said to  her;  '  And  didst  thou  not  want  any  means  of  subsistence or any  clothing?'     She  answered  him  and  said:   '  For  seventeen years, as  I  said  before,  I  made  use  of  the  loaves,  and  afterwards lived upon  the  roots  that  I  found  in  this  wilderness. The raiment indeed that  I  had  when  I  passed  over  Jordan  perished,  being  torn asunder by  extreme  oldness,  and   after  that  I  suffered   manifold miseries, at  one    time  from    the  icy  coldness    of  winter,  and  at another  time  from  the  immoderate  scorching  of  the  sun's  heat. I was terribly  parched  by  the  excessive  burning,  and  again  by  the extreme frosty  coldness  of  the  winter;  so  that  I  often  came  down upon the  earth,  and  lay  almost  entirely  motionless  without  spirit. Thus was  I  striving  long  and  wrestling  in  manifold  and  various hardships and  in  extreme  temptations;    and  afterwards,  even  to this  present  day,  the  divine  might  preserved  me  and  my  wretched soul and  body;  always  considering  with  myself,  from  how  many