Page:Adams - A Child of the Age.djvu/87

75 bent; stretched down my hand, and found a two-shilling piece. I looked up. I could see no one in the road: no one behind me. I might take it then; for how could I possibly find its owner? And to have found it, I, who had never found anything in my life before! It seemed quite strange.—I had three shillings now. That meant another fortnight. On the force of it, I got a glass of milk, as I went down the Edgware Road.

I came home almost buoyant, and had run up the two first steps before I saw someone was descending. I drew down and back. It was a petticoated being, a girl, but of what sort, the dark of the place and the duskiness of the hour combined to hide. Anyhow, she said 'Thank you,' and went on: and I up and, as I went to my door, I thought that the one on the left must be hers; but perhaps she sleeps up in the attics like a clay-homed swallow? Then I remembered to have heard muffled stirring in that room by mine, and concluded it must indeed be hers, and proceeded to forget all about the matter. The next day was chilly and rainy. I set out for a walk to Hampstead; for I must, I felt, take exercise to keep 'breakdown' at a fit distance. I had some trouble with my heel which had become sore, till, at last, by the time I was three-quarters there, economical pain-shirking foot positions had made every step painful. None the less I was determined to get as far as the Hampstead Pond. It began to drizzle. I toiled on. I found once that deep thoughts made me forget the pain of movement: so I kept trying this plan, with short-timed success, till (now a quarter way back again, and the rain thicker) a desperate attempt to separate body and soul by resolution proved fruitless. Then an utter despair came upon me. I stood still. It was at a corner in front of the rails of the dingy garden of a lampless house. I could have sunk down upon the shining pavement there; covered my face with my arms, and sobbed myself like a tired child to sleep, but oh! a sleep that should know no waking, no waking to misery and despair! At that moment a light leaped up and out from the big window on the left of the