Page:Adams - A Child of the Age.djvu/75

63 some brains, and, I believe, of that sort which can be turned to use. I have more than once desired to write. If I only had time, I am confident that I could make my livelihood'

'Good heavens, sir!' he exclaimed, 'You are not thinking of becoming a—a writer.—Ah! Why, it is, ah, another word for starvation!' 'Men have made their fortune with nothing but their pens to help them before now,' I said, 'and I am not afraid.'

I noticed a thick blue vein swelling out on his forehead. He threw up his hands, and exclaimed vehemently:

'It is madness, madness, sheer, ah, insanity! I will not hear of it! I will give you no help! (He seemed suddenly to collapse.) 'You must go away. I must ring for Salmon, to show you out. You must go away. You are agitating me—dreadfully! I am not to be agitated. Doctor Astley says so. I am not to be agitated.'

At first I was startled: then amused: then saddened: last angered, by this unexpected outburst. I moved a step nearer to him. He looked at me for a moment, and then dropped into the arm-chair by him to the right of the fire.

'Oh, don't touch me!' he cried, 'Don't look at me like that! I will not have it! I will not endure it! Salmon, Salmon, take him away. He agitates me.… Please go away, sir, I am dreadfully agitated.' (I was looking at him frowning. He cried out, almost in a scream)—'For God's sake, don't look at me like that! My God, my God, my God! … She used to look.' … (Then he suddenly started up, exclaiming)—'I say I won't endure it! Do you hear? I won't endure it. Don't act at me, sir! I know it's in your blood, but, if you think you're going to browbeat me, you're mistaken!' (Then he began to fail.) ' Salmon, he is going to act at me. No, no—you're not as careful of me as Edgar used to be. Why did I ever let him go? Why did I ever let him go?' (Ending in a wail.)

I began to grow a little weary of it, and looked aside. He went on maundering about her having killed him, yes, killed him, and other things which I did not notice.