Page:Adams - A Child of the Age.djvu/44

32 'Will you tell me what you wanted to do?' I said.

'Oh!' he said, 'it wasn't so much me: it was Blake. He put the idea into my head. He thought that the great need that the Church has at this present moment is some man who would devote his life to a real patient study of the origins of Christianity; so that it might be shown forth, once and for all, that Christianity has for its foundation no vain legend, but events as historically true, and as capable of being shown to be historically true, as anything that has happened within the boasted ages of science. That this might be done, could be done, and would be done, he felt sure, and so do I. But you see, at present, they all seem so taken up with themselves, with their miserable grains of sectarian sand I mean, that such a man is not to be found, or if he is to be found Well, God only understands these things! It does seem hard, at times, that all should be so against us!—They all seem to think it's not worth the trouble! or it can't be done! or that there's no need for it! O fools! fools! fools! Can't you see by the shore of what flood we are standing? Can't you read the signs of the times? Can't you see an Art that becomes day by day more and more of a drug, less and less of a food for men's souls. A misty dream floating around it, a faint reek of the east and strange unnatural scents breathing from it; but underneath mud, filth, the abomination of desolation, the horror of sin and of death! O my God, sometimes, thinking of it, my brain turns and I fear I shall go mad. And to be able to do nothing! To see these devils in human shape'

Suddenly he stopped short: swallowed: put the back of his fingers to his lips, and with a smile said quietly:

'Nay, he was right! There is no need for me, or God would let me go, in such a crisis as this is. Yet there come these moments when I seem to hear his voice as from behind, coming down through the thick clouds, saying to me: Go forth. It may be delusion. I'm not sure. I don't know. It is terrible to be so tossed in opinion!' (He was beginning to grow troubled: paused a little, and then with the same smile, his eyes all the while looking brightly before him, went on.) 'Nay he was right! And what should I have learnt