Page:Adams - A Child of the Age.djvu/235

Rh piece of cake, retired to my seat again. I determined that I would have dinner in here, in the shape of some fruit and bread and milk.

When she had done her cup of tea and piece of cake, she renewed them: I, after some thought as to whether the pain of getting them was worth the candle of partaking of them, and the supposed display of my feeling toward her in this matter, did not. When she had finished, she put her cup and saucer on the table and went out of the room. I rang and told Marie what I wished about my dinner. I was not angry or even piqued by Rosy's proceedings; I was too indifferent to be either. The reason why I did not make advances towards reconciliation with her was, that I did not care to trouble myself so far.

During the course of the day she contrived what little annoyances she could for me; but with no other effect than making me rather amused at her simplicity. 'If you quarrel with a woman,' I thought, 'you must expect this sort of thing.'

Then, when I was in bed, I considered what was the real condition of my feelings towards her. Without doubt, they were those of complete callousness and, perhaps, something more. There was no 'imperfect sense of wrong-doing' in the thought. It seemed to me to be something little short of folly to stay here and be troubled with her, I ought to go out into the world and see its ways, so as to prepare myself for my work; that work which was nothing else than, having by self-culture and observation got an impression of things generally, to put down that impression on paper. Truth was the object of my work, and, by the very fact that I was a quite unprejudiced viewer of the phenomena of what is called Life, I did not see why I should not produce such an impression of things generally 'as posterity should not willingly let die.' The idea of telling the truth about things was a pleasing one. I could almost believe that some day that idea might be of itself a sufficient incentive to a love of existence. Meantime the connection with Rosy was passably stupid and tiresome, and perhaps even harmful.