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211 spiritual Strength which I worshipped? It was right that she should become an ideal to me; she was a strong woman. Then I came back home and the storm flew over in April showery kisses. But this made no difference about the new intercourse which was promptly and unquestioningly persisted in.

Meanwhile she was, I found, apparently in persistent readiness to be suspicious. It occurred to me once or twice that she beheld that there was a woman in the case, and so kept on the look out for proofs. The idea amused me, and once led me to demonstrations of my feeling somewhat in the manner of that factitious chucking under the chin. She seemed to recognise something ungenuine; for she would have nothing to say to me at that rate, and so I determined to do without the demonstrations in future, and did. I do not know if she was happy at this time. She took a greater interest in her household affairs than before, going out shopping with Amelie (the cook) in the mornings, drawing up lists of things, and so on. I was pleased to see this; for it gave her something to do.

In this way it came about in a remarkably short time that we two grew more like acquaintances or friends than lovers. Then I realised this, and was rather troubled by it; for I felt that the reason for it was mine, and that she could not like the present condition of affairs. But what was to be done? An inch with a child like Rosy meant, not an ell, but the whole article. If I suddenly softened, she would take it as a sign of repentance, and that meant trouble of all sorts! At present I was working away at my classics and what composition suggested itself; with occasional fits of disgust, it is true, but avoiding the depths and getting out of the shallows as soon as possible. And I bore these occasional fits with a good deal of philosophy now, ascribing them to some internal derangement, such as of liver, kidneys, or stomach, and as such to be endured in patience and silence. Weather, I found, affected me considerably.

March came round, but a March more like the traditional May. I took long walks each day, ten miles as a rule: once out to Père-Lachaise, to look at