Page:Adams - A Child of the Age.djvu/184

172 and then passed her, plunged into a dark-covered way that was behind and beyond her, and hurried on, past.…' I began to laugh.

Yes, yes, yes, I was the cub of the she-wolf that was driven by hunger into the public way to see what price her empty, filthy carcase would bring! But she found no purchasers. Nor shall I! Then suddenly, turning to the open window: 'Oh, you accursed city!' I cried, 'If I could sweep you off the earth with every … God!' I cried again, wheeling round convulsively with clenched fists, 'I have a few words to say to You, and then I have done. You have given me sight. The earth that You have made and the creatures that You have put into it are foul. You have given me thought. You have no right, be you God a thousand times, to make your creatures foul and then damn them for their foulness: You have no right to make them foul at all! You have given me love and hatred. With the love You have given me, I loathe You. With the hatred You have given me, I hate—I despise and scorn You! I am but a worm in the earth that is but an atom in your universe. But I stand here and scorn You! I am in your hand. You can do with me what You will—all except this: turn from my heart that scorn I have of You. Hear my last word to You, God. It is the last I will ever speak to You. Henceforth I endure your acts in silence. If I have joy, I will not thank You for it. If I have grief, I will not curse You for it. Henceforth, I am a stranger to You. If You are. You are to me as if You were not. If You are not' I smiled.

'Enough of this,' I said: 'perhaps something too much. I am sorry I railed. And yet the poor cuckold that we call soul must pour forth the lava of its discovered deception, or it would burst. I have done now, I think.'

I looked up and saw the other letter lying on the table-cloth, where I had thrown it past my plate. This letter was Rosy's.

I stretched across to it: opened it; and glanced into it: