Page:Abroad with Mark Twain and Eugene Field.djvu/132

 MARK AND THE COSTERMONGERS

The Troubles of Liz

Liz, the maid-of-all-work, has overstayed her furlough, and is very emphatic, putting the blame on Kate.

"Oh, I won't go out with that there Kate no more, m'am. That Kate do know a lot of fast chaps. She interdooced me to one and he kept a-cuddlin' of me round the neck and near pushed my hat off, you see it's all awry. And he kept a-pinching of me about and arsked if it was all my own figger. But he did say Dear to me."

Liz's next place was with a butcher's, but there they "were real rude" to her, and she left, of course. This is her report of what happened:

"'Here, Liz,' said one of the helpers to me, 'there's two kidneys for my tea. Take a care, you got two like that.' Oh, I can't stay in a place where they talk as fast as that, just as if I had kidneys like a cow.

"And the other chap comes and brings me a bit of liver to cook for his tea, and he says: 'Liz, you know you've got a liver just like that?' I just ran upstairs and told the missus. And in the evening one brings me a pig's head with a squint in his eye and he says, 'Liz, this is what you do to the boys—give 'em the glad eye.' No, I won't stop, as true as there is Gowds in 'eaven." 128