Page:Abookburlesques00mencgoog.djvu/209

Rh sorry to see his neighbor's children devoured by wolves.

One who played safe and is now played safely. A No. 16 neck in a No. 15½ collar.

Bacteriology made moral; the theory that the Italian in the ditch should be jailed for spitting on his hands.

One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

The morality of those who are having a better time. You will never convince the average farmer's mare that the late Maud S. was not dreadfully immoral.

The condition of a dead man who doesn't believe that he is dead.

The theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

An officer appointed to mislead, restrain, hynotize, cajole, seduce, browbeat, flabbergast and bamboozle a jury in such a manner that it will forget all the facts and give its decision to the best lawyer. The objection to judges is that they are seldom capable of a sound professional judgment of lawyers. The objection to lawyers is that the best are the worst.