Page:A short account of the life and death of John Dillon..djvu/8



whole heart. But it was suggested, “You have not been justified long enough yet, to expect so great a blessing” and, “Such an unworthy, unfaithful wretch as you, cannot expect such a favour from God.” And hereby I was prevailed upon to give up my earnest pursuit of it. At other times, when I have been just grasping the blessing, I have been turned back by another suggestion, “Not now: You cannot receive it now: You are not earnest enough.” But I have always remarked, That when I gave up the earnest expecting it now, my soul grew barren and lifeless.

I continued thus for near two years, when Mr. Wesley came to Limerick, where the regiment I was in then lay, just before the ground for the Preaching-house was taken. Under his first sermon, on, Now is the day of salvation, I was stirred up more than ever. I said, if I can only believe, I shall obtain the prize : but found, the utter impossibility of doing this of myself. However the strong desire continued in my heart, with earnest prayer for it. Before Mr. Wesley left Limerick, he told the society, if they could procure ground for building, while he was at Cork and send him word, he would come back, and spend four days with them. They sent him word. When I heard Mr. Wesley was come (in June 1762) I went to see him directly. He told me of some in Cork, who had lately received the pure love of God. At that very instant, my soul broke out into strong desire and prayer. In coming back to my room along the streets, my soul was in constant prayer. But I found like a large mountain of unbelief standing in my way. As I came over Thomond-bridge, I gave over praying in words, and began to mourn and sigh, when in an instant, I felt a change through my whole heart and soul, such as my tongue cannot express. My soul was filled with love, my mouth with praise