Page:A history of the gunpowder plot-The conspiracy and its agents (1904).djvu/148

124 which hath made me desire Life, for when I came into prison death would have been a welcome friend unto me, and was most desired; but when I heard how Catholics and Priests thought of the matter, and that it should be a great sin that should be the cause of my end, it called my conscience in doubt of my very best actions and intentions in question: for I knew that my self might easily be deceived in such a business, therefore I protest unto you that the doubts I had of my own good state, which only proceeded from the censure of others, caused more bitterness of grief in me than all the miseries that ever I suffered, and only this caused me with life till I might meet with a ghostly friend. For some good space I could do nothing, but with tears ask pardon at God's hands for all my errors, both in actions and intentions in this business, and in my whole life, which the censure of this contrary to my expectance caused me to doubt: I did humbly beseech that my death might satisfy for my offence, which I should and shall offer most gladly to the Giver of life.

'I assure you as I hope in God that the love of all my Estate and worldly happiness did never trouble me, nor the love of it since my imprisonment did ever move me to with life. But if that I may live to make satisfaction to God, and the world where I have given any scandal, I shall not grieve if I should never look living creature in the face again, and besides that deprivation