Page:A Treatise of the Covenant of Grace (John Ball).djvu/100

 88 Master doth his servants, that must not needs in the very midst of his actions, reason thus within himselfe; anone all this which now I doe, must very narrowly be looked over, and if the reason why I doe it, my affections in doing, the worke it selfe be maimed, halt or suffer defect in the parts thereof, I shall smart for it. O the wrings and secret pinches which mine owne guilty heart will give me; yea, the sentence which by Covenant I am tyed to passe upon my self, in case my heart be partiall to the Lord, and my work deformed? If my worke be not perfect, shall I not loose all my labour, and be rejected with it?

Lastly, It is good to meditate seriously on the joyes of heaven, and the rich recompence of reward reserved for them that cleave unto the Lord with their whole hearts. If the happinesse of Saints hereafter doe rightly affect, and be soundly beleeved, a man will be contented to part with all that he hath to purchase that treasure. Whatsoever he hath laid next his heart, he will abandon it with detestation, rather then deprive himself of that eternall inheritance, which God hath prepared.

To stirre up himselfe to strive after perfection more and more, a Christian must first shame himself for his halting, and make it odious; ah, the division of my heart, the maimednesse of my service is so apparant, that I cannot conceale it from my conscience. I have lodged sinne, vanity, pleasure, the world in the closet of my heart, which should have been kept entire for the Lord. My purposes for good have been weake, my resolutions variable, oft-times by occurrences and occasions I have been drawn aside. In holy performances I have served mine own corrupt affections, and doing what is right, not done it with a perfect heart. Mine affection to good hath been partiall, base, deformed; In the greatest matters I have been remisse, precise in lesser: zealous in one, carelesse in another: ready to run according to inclination, not looking to the direction of the truth. I have sometimes been forward to heare, not so carefull to meditate, and make the word mine own; eager and fiery against some particular notorious offences, but not vigilant to bridle rash anger, boysterous passions and indiscreet and idle speeches. My love to the children of God hath neither been pure, nor universall: I have been apt to admire some, dis-esteem others according as they carry themselves towards me, and fit me in my humour. If he be a cursed deceiver,