Mother Goose for Grownups/The Touching Tenderness of King Karl the First

For hunger and thirst King Karl the First Had stoical, stern disdain: The food that he ordered consistently bordered On what was described as plain. Much trouble his cook ambitiously took To tickle his frugal taste, But all of his savoury science and slavery Ended in naught but waste.

Said the steward: “The thing to tempt the King And charm his indifferent eye No doubt is a tasty, delectable pasty. Make him a blackbird pie!” The cook at these words baked twenty-four birds, And set them before the King, And the two dozen odious, bold, and melodious Singers began to sing.

The King in surprise said: “Dozens of pies In the course of our life we’ve tried, But never before us was served up a chorus Like this that we hear inside!” With a thunderous look he ordered the cook And the steward before him brought, And with a beatified smile: “He is satisfied!” Both of these innocents thought.

“Of sinners the worst,” said Karl the First, “Is the barbarous ruffian that A song-bird would slaughter, unless for his daughter Or wife he is trimming a hat. We’ll punish you so for the future you’ll know That from mercy you can’t depart. Observe that your lenient, kind, intervenient King has a tender heart!”

He saw that the cook in a neighboring brook Was drowned (as he quite deserved), And ordered the steward at once to be skewered. (The steward was much unnerved.) “It’s a curious thing,” said the merciful King, “That monarchs so tender are, So oft we’re affected that we have suspected that We are too kind by far.”

Are apt to be wholly dissimilar things. In spite of “The Merchant of Venice,” we’re pained To note that the quality’s sometimes strained.
 * The mercy of men and Kings