Mother Goose for Grownups/The Quixotic Quest of Three Blind Mice

A maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Had three little swains and all were blind. The reason for this I do not know, But I think it was love that made them so, For without demur they bowed to her, Though she treated them all with a high hauteur. She ruled them, schooled them, frequently fooled them, Snubbed, tormented, and ridiculed them: Mice as a rule are much like men, So they swallowed their pride and called again.

The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind To morbid romance was much inclined. The reason for this I have not learned, But I think by novels her head was turned. She said that the chap who dared to nap One hour inside of the farmer’s trap Might gain her, reign her, wholly enchain her, Woo her, win her, and thence retain her! Hope ran high in each suitor’s breast, And all determined to stand the test.

The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Laughed when she saw them thus confined. The reason for this I can’t proclaim, But I know some girls who’d have done the same! As thus they kept to their word, and slept, The farmer’s wife to the pantry stept: She sought them, caught them, carefully brought them Out to the light, and there she taught them How that chivalry often fails, By calmly cutting off all their tails!

The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Treated her swains in a way unkind. The reason for this is not complex: That’s always the way with the tender sex. With impudent hails she cried: “What ails You all, and where are your splendid tails?” She jeered so, sneered so, flouted and fleered so, Giggled, and altogether appeared so Lacking in heart, that her slaves grew bored, And threw up the sponge of their own accord.

The maiden mouse of an arrogant mind Watched and waited, and peaked and pined. The reason for this, I beg to state, Is summed up in the words ! intwined is: Love is blind, But he never leaves all his wits behind, You may beat him, cheat him, often defeat him, Though he be true with torture treat him: One of these days you’ll be bereft, You think you’re right, but you’ll find you’re left.