Mother Goose for Grownups/The Linguistic Languor of Charles Augustus Sprague

A child of nature curious Was Charles Augustus Sprague; He made his parents furious Because he was so vague: Although his age was nearly two Eleven words were all he knew, These sounded much as sounds the Dutch That’s spoken at the Hague.

A few of his errata ’Tis just I should avow, He called his mother “Tata,” And “moo” he dubbed a cow, Nor was it altogether plain Why “choo-choo” meant a railway train. He called a cat “miouw,” and that No purist would allow.

Within his father’s orchard There stood, for all to see, With branches bent and tortured, An ancient apple tree: That Charles Augustus Sprague might drowse His mother on its swaying boughs His cradle hung, and while it swung, She sang with energy.

A sudden blow arising One day, the branches broke, With suddenness surprising The sleeping babe awoke, And crashing down to earth he fell. Ah me, that I should have to tell The words that mild and genial child On this occasion spoke!

His face convulsed and checquered With passion and with tears, He blotted out the record Of both his speechless years: His mother stupefied, aghast, Heard Charles Augustus speak at last; He opened wide his mouth and cried These ill conditioned sneers.

''“Sapristi! Accidente!'' Perchance my speech is late, But, be she two or twenty, A nincompoop I hate! What idiot said that woman’s ‘planned To warn, to comfort, and command?’” His words I quench. Excuse my French— Je dis que tu m’embêtes!

In silence take a sudden wind, But only heroes, as we know, In silence take a sudden blow.
 * Common clocks, we find,