Mother Goose for Grownups/The Fearful Finale of the Irascible Mouse

Upon a stairway built of brick A pleasant-featured clock From time to time would murmur “Tick” And vary it with “Tock”: Although no great intelligence There lay in either word, They were not meant to give offence To anyone who heard.

Within the pantry of the house, Among some piles of cheese, There dwelt an irritable mouse, Extremely hard to please: His appetite was most immense. Each day he ate a wedge Of Stilton cheese. In consequence His nerves were all on edge.

With ill-concealed impatience he, Upon his morning walk, Had heard the clock unceasingly, Monotonously talk, Until his rage burst every bound. He gave a fretful shout: “Well, sakes alive! It’s time I found What all this talk’s about.”

With all the admirable skill That marks the rodent race The mouse ran up the clock, until He’d crept behind the face, And then, with words that no one thought To use, and scornful squeals, He cried aloud: “Just what I thought! Great oaf, you’re full of wheels!”

The timepiece sternly said: “Have done!” And through the silent house It struck emphatically one. (But that one was the mouse!) To earth the prowling rodent fell, In terror for his life, And turned to flee, but, sad to tell, There stood the farmer’s wife.

She did not faint, she did not quail, She did not cry out: “Scat!” She simply took him by the tail And gave him to the cat, And, with a stern, triumphant look, She watched him clawed and cleft, And with some blotting paper took Up all that there was left.

Run down his herds, his flocks, Run down his crops, run down his loam, But when it comes to clocks, Pray leave them ticking every one In peace upon their shelves: When running down is to be done The clocks run down themselves.
 * In a farmer’s home