If I Thought You Wouldn't Tell

A maiden pretty, from Jersey City, Paid a visit to some cousins out of town. She answered "Mercy" when Cousin Percy Said, "I'd dearly love to show you all around." Like bees a-buzzin' She and her cousin Were together ev'ry minute of the day. One night he kissed her, she shouted "Mister," But he answered in a cute and cunning way:
 * Verse 1

"If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother, I would try and take one more. Promise not to tell your father or your brother, And I'll make it three or four. If I thought that you could keep a secret, I would keep you busy, Nell. I'd forget that I'm your cousin And I'd take half a dozen, If I only thought you wouldn't tell."
 * Chorus

One evening early, he took the girlie To a restaurant where drinks were often tried He ordered porter, she ordered water, Then she said, "I'll take a cocktail on the side." She drank a dozen, Just then her cousin Whispered, "Dearie, don't you think we should go home?" She answered, "Later, please call the waiter," Then she murmured in a rather husky tone:
 * Verse 2

"If I thought you wouldn't tell your mother, I would try and take one more. Promise not to tell your father or your brother, And I'll make it three or four. If I thought that you could keep a secret, I would keep you busy, Nell. I'd forget that I'm your cousin I would take all they would sell."
 * Chorus