Hilarity Hall/Chapter 3

"! I have fallen into a grotto!" exclaimed Millicent, dashing through the hall and into the parlor, where she flung herself into a big wicker rocker.

"What do you mean by that?" said Hester, who always liked to have everything explained.

"Why, don't you remember that ridiculous hero in one of Jules Verne's stories who fell thousands of miles down into the earth, and landed in a beautiful grotto which caused him delight but no surprise? Those are exactly my sensations."

"Well, your grotto is full of used-up atmosphere. Let's turn it out and get some fresh." And swish! up went the shades, and bang! up went the windows, and in came the air and sunlight; and after eight girls had flung down their hats and wraps and bags and bundles the place began to look quite homelike and cozy.

"Here are the trunks and bicycles," cried Helen, as a wagon stopped before the cottage.

"Oh, dear!" said Marjorie, "we have n't chosen our rooms yet. Two will have to sleep downstairs; who wants to?"

"I will," said Betty; "I'm not afraid, are you, Jessie?"

"No, indeed!" And the Invincibles immediately appropriated the pretty bedroom that adjoined the parlor.

Have n't I told you about these two girls yet? Well, Betty was fifteen, a very tall girl, with that kind of tallness that is called overgrown. She was fond of all outdoor sports, and, strong, athletic, and muscular, she strode through life regardless of conventions, but making friends as she went. Jessie was of a directly opposite type in most ways. A chubby little maiden with a happy-go-lucky disposition, she had a positive genius for getting her own way. Always amiable and acquiescent, and very generous, she yet managed never to do anything she did n't wish to do. She was a frivolous little creature, devoted to finery and dress, but so winning and affectionate that it was really impossible to interfere with her wishes. And so Betty's determination and Jessie's persistency had won them the name of the Invincibles, and whatever they agreed on always came to pass; but as they rarely agreed on anything, this was not so disastrous as it might have been.

The social economy of the eight was very clearly defined. The Octave, as they called themselves, divided very naturally into two quartets or four duets whenever occasion required. And just now occasion did require; so, leaving Betty and Jessie, the other six flew upstairs, and Marjorie and Millicent took one room, Nan and Marguerite another, and Helen and Hester the third, so that when the trunks were sent up, they were put at once where they belonged. The wheels were stacked in the hall—only five of them, for Millicent, Nan, and Marguerite did n't ride. Then the trunks were unpacked, shelves divided fairly, hooks counted out, top bureau-drawers tossed up for, and the "settling process" had begun.

Soon Betty's voice was heard from below: "Don't fiddle with your finery any longer now, girls. Come on down. Let's see about supper."

The six upstairs, feeling a responsive thrill, suspended operations at once and skipped down.

Then they all flocked out to the kitchen, and great and joyous were the exclamations of the club when they beheld the completeness of the furnishings thereof.

The old corner cupboard disclosed griddles and gridirons, saucepans and frying-pans; rows of shining tins hung over the sink; egg-beaters and syllabub-churns smiled out at them from the shelves; and a big fat pudding-mold beamed a welcome from its corner.

Betty seized two tin kettle-covers, and, clashing them like cymbals, broke into the club's "Battle Song," which they sang on every possible occasion. Marjorie played an accompaniment on the coffee-mill, Nan whisked in some trills with the egg-beater, and they all sang:

A loud knock at the back door made them all jump.

"You go, Marjorie," said Nan. So Marjorie opened the door and faced again the persistent crowd of venders. The butcher, the grocer, the baker, milkman, vegetable man, fish man all stood, beaming and expectant.

"The club will please come to order!" said Marjorie, turning to the girls. "These claimants must be satisfied. What, ladies of the Summer Club, what, I ask you, do you want to eat?"

A serious silence fell on the crowd. They realized that at last they must cope with the great question.

"We 'll divide forces and appoint committees," went on the president. "Betty, you and Jessie order the meat, whatever you like; Nan, do up the baker; Marguerite, the milk-man; Helen and Hester, reason with the vegetarian; and Millikens and I will attend to the grocer."

Nan soon despatched the baker with a standing order of two loaves per day, subject to amendment. Marguerite discussed the milk problem at length with good-natured old farmer Hobbs, and wound up by deciding on two quarts every morning, or three quarts if there was a clothes-pin on the pail which he would find on the back steps; also a quart of cream each morning, with a like understanding of the clothes-pin. "For," said the sagacious matron, "what with whips and charlottes, we 'll need a lot of cream."

Helen and Hester declared they would attend to their department in an orderly and systematic manner. Taking the index of a cookery-book for their guide, they decided they would eat their vegetables alphabetically.

"Have you any artichokes?" said Hester.

"No, mum," replied the man, looking as if she had asked for a salamander.

"Any Brussels sprouts?" asked Helen.

"No, mum."

"Any celery?"

"Yis, mum; fine celery indeed. Will ye be so kind as to look at it, mum?"

"We ought n't to have celery until day after to-morrow," said Helen, dubiously, as they went out to the wagon, "but I guess we 'll have to give up the alphabet plan. Let's order celery and potatoes—and oh, look at that big pumpkin! Would n't a pumpkin-pie be just grand?"

"Gay," said Hester; "we 'll take that—and that's enough for to-day; you 'll call to-morrow, won't you?"

"Yis, mum," replied the man; and when the purchases were deposited on the kitchen table, Helen and Hester felt proud of their choice.

Jessie had disappeared, but the stray notes of song floating out from her room made it an open secret that the attractions of her trinkets and fripperies had charmed her away from the culinary pastimes. So Betty faced the butcher alone. She was very decided and business-like.

"We want meat for supper to-night," said she, looking at Mr. Parkin's card as if for inspiration. "Beef, veal, mutton, lamb, pork, and poultry. H'm! Well, we 'll begin at the beginning; beefsteak, I think. You may send two nice porterhouse steaks, and please send them as soon as possible. Then we 'll have a roast for to-morrow, a two-rib roast of beef; you may send that to-morrow morning." The butcher noted down the orders and went away.

Then the only committee still out was Marjorie and Millicent. When Betty, having finished the course, turned to them, they were in a wild state of excitement. They had decided to suggest things alternately, while the grocer wrote the list.

The grocer was a lanky, raw-boned young man with bushy red hair. Seated in a chair, holding pad and pencil, he looked for all the world like a district schoolmaster, while the two girls stood before him looking like a very animated couple in a spelling-match.

Marjorie, dancing on one foot, was twisting up the corners of her apron into knots, which she tied and untied with unconscious rapidity. Millicent stood firmly facing him, with folded arms and screwed-up forehead.

"Flour," said Marjorie.

"Butter," suggested Millicent.

"Sugar," Marjorie went on.

"Salt," said Millicent.

"Pepper."

"Mustard."

"Ketchup."

"Sardines."

"Olives."

"Oh, we must get staples! Molasses."

"Buckwheat."

"No; we don't want buckwheat. Kerosene."

"Oh, yes; and candles."

"Matches."

"Starch."

"Oh, we don't need starch. Corn-starch."

"Eggs."

"Vanilla."

"Worcestershire sauce."

"Dear! I'm sure we 've forgotten the most important things. Lard."

"Rice."

"We ought to have some canned things."

"Well, let him bring what we 've ordered, and then we can remember whatever we 've forgotten. Soap!"

"Ammonia."

"Salad-oil."

"How one thing suggests another! Lemons."

"Cheese."

"Macaroni."

"Macaroons."

"He does n't keep those; the baker does. Let's not order any more things now; I'm all mixed up, and can't remember the names."

Mr. Fenn went away, well pleased with his order, and Millicent dropped into a kitchen chair exhausted.

"Girls," said Hester, "you 've run up an awful big order. Do you suppose it will cost all our money?"

"Oh, no," said the wise and matronly Marguerite, shaking her halo; "and, besides, most of those things won't need to be ordered again; the staples will last us all the time we are here. Now, when they bring the bills I 'll fix up my accounts. I have a little red book, real Russia, and I 'll have a page for each department. Are these committees standing committees, Miss President?"

"Oh, no!" said Marjorie; "we 'll take turns at things. I don't want to order groceries again—I'm quite worn out."

"Poor Margy! 'Come rest in this bosom, my own stricken deer,’" sang Nan, catching Marjorie around the waist and dancing about the kitchen with her.

"Oh, I am so hungry!" pleaded Betty. "Can't we get out the silver and table-cloths and set the table now?"

"Yes, come on; I love to set a table," said Nan; "but oh, how I hate to wash dishes! I thought we were going to have an Irish lady to do that, eh, Marjorie!"

"Aunt Molly says there's a nice Irish girl who lives up the beach somewhere who would come and help us for a consideration. You and Marguerite go and hunt her up. Her name is Rosie O'Neill."

"Beautiful name!" said Nan.

"There! we forgot to order apples."

"Let's have a slate on the kitchen table, and write down orders whenever they occur to us."

"Come on, matron; we 'll go and seek the radiant Rosie. Where does she live, Duchess?"

"Oh, I don't know. Stop in and ask Aunt Molly; she 'll tell you where to find her."

"’T is well, O chief! We will return in triumph with our enchained captive!"

"Now," said Marjorie, as the door banged behind Nan and Marguerite, "those rattle-pated girls are sure to get lost and we 'll never see them again. Meantime let's get to work. We have n't explored the cellar yet. Perhaps the people who 've been in the cottage all summer left a lot of good things."

Down cellar they went; but a thorough search revealed nothing of interest but a flour-bucket and a refrigerator. Nothing but flour," exclaimed Marjorie, "and it looks queer; I don't believe it's good."

"That is n't flour, you goose—it's Indian meal. It 'll be fine for corn-bread."

"Who can make corn bread? I can't," confessed Betty.

"Oh, yes, you can, if you try," declared Marjorie; "your cooking always turns out all right. Now, as we're going to have supper, let's decide what to have."

Then, as usual, all began to talk at once.

Marjorie seized a long iron spoon and, rapping on the table, said: "This meeting will please come to order. If you don't we'll never have any supper. Now don't all talk at once, but if you 've any sensible propositions to make, make them when you 're called on."

"‘Oh, promise me—oh, promise me-e-e,’" came floating out from the bedroom where Jessie was still arranging and rearranging her cherished belongings.

"Jessie ought to do some work." said Millicent. "She's too dainty and dressy for any use. She ought to be disciplined. Let's make her come out here and be Scullery-maid."

So they all crowded in at Jessie's doorway, and found her sitting on the floor by her open trunk, surrounded by laces and ribbons and fans, and still musically begging the required promise.

"We 'll promise you nothing until you come out and do some work for it," said Marjorie; "so get up at once." Then, picking up an elaborate little Swiss apron, she tied its ribbons round Jessie's waist. "There!" she said. "Now you 're appropriately decorated, and I herewith appoint you Scullery-maid of this institution. Now skip along and empty that pan of ashes, as befits your station."

"Oh, don't let her spoil that pretty apron," said Hester the practical, and she took off her own big gingham one and tied it over the dainty affair.

"Is this a game?" said Betty, taking off her own apron and tying it on Jessie over Hester's.

Like a flash, the three other aprons came off of their owners and were piled on the luckless Jessie, round her waist, round her neck, before and behind, until Millicent declared she looked like Tweedledee prepared for his fight with Tweedledum.

Good-natured Jessie trotted off with the pan, and on her return was seized by Betty the Peeler, who peeled off the numerous aprons and restored them to their owners.