Grimm Tales Made Gay/How the Fatuous Wish of a Peasant Came True

An excellent peasant, Of character pleasant, Once lived in a hut with his wife. He was cheerful and docile, But such an old fossil You wouldn’t meet twice in your life. His notions were all without reason or rhyme, Such dullness in any one else were a crime, But the folly pig-headed To which he was wedded Was so deep imbedded, it touched the sublime!

He frequently stated Such quite antiquated And singular doctrines as these: “Do good unto others! All men are your brothers!” (Of course he forgot the Chinese!) He said that all men were made equal and free, (That’s true if they’re born on our side of the sea!) That truth should be spoken, And pledges unbroken: (Now where, by that token,           would most of us be?)

One day, as his pottage He ate in his cottage, A fairy stepped up to the door; Upon it she hammered, And meekly she stammered: “A morsel of food I implore.” He gave her sardines, and a biscuit or two, And she said in reply, when her luncheon was through, “In return for these dishes Of bread and of fishes The first of your wishes I’ll make to come true!”

That nincompoop peasant Accepted the present, (As most of us probably would,) And, thinking her bounty To turn to account, he     Said: “Now I’ll do somebody good! I won’t ask a thing for myself or my wife, But I’ll make all my neighbors with happiness rife. Whate’er their conditions, Henceforward, physicians And indispositions They’re rid of for life!”

These words energetic The fairy’s prophetic Announcement brought instantly true: With singular quickness Each victim of sickness Was made over, better than new, And people who formerly thought they were doomed With almost obstreperous healthiness bloomed, And each had some platitude, Teeming with gratitude, For the new attitude life had assumed.

Our friend’s satisfaction Concerning his action Was keen, but exceedingly brief. The wrathful condition Of every physician In town was surpassing belief! Professional nurses were plunged in despair, And chemists shook passionate fists in the air: They called at his dwelling, With violence swelling, His greeting repelling with arrogant stare.

They beat and they battered, They slammed and they shattered, And did him such serious harm, That, after their labors, His wife told the neighbors They’d caused her excessive alarm! They then set to work on his various ills, And plied him with liniments, powders, and pills, And charged him so dearly That all of them nearly Made double the yearly amount of their bills.

This Moral by the tale is taught: — The wish is father to the thought. (We’d oftentimes escape the worst           If but the thinking part came first!)