A Hero of the Wars

 He couldn't fight the clever Huns in France; They forced him to his knees and broke his lance. Therefore, the Politicians called him home To cool his poor, spurred heels and scheme and foam, And spin a funny yarn of fairy snipers And battles lost that made him clown of Ypres. But when at last the Prime Ass did determine To exterminate the wretched emerald vermine, He sent him to the unregenerate isle, His honour to redeem in English style. there is no rival now eager to rob This hero of the English ruling classes, Who failed in France, of his notorious job Of shooting down defenceless Irish masses.